Selecting a Spouse

Selecting a Spouse According to the Islamic Shariah


The choice of an appropriate spouse ensures a good foundation for the family they will establish. For this reason, Islam pays great attention to the way one chooses a spouse. In choosing a bride one should take into consideration his preferences regarding her physical beauty and character, but most importantly he should seek a Muslim woman of high moral and religious standards. The Prophet (SAW) said:
 
"A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness, so choose a religious woman and you will prosper." (Related by Muslim)
Similarly, the woman's wali (male Muslim guardian, usually the Muslim father or the imam in case her father is not Muslim) should not postpone nor refuse to marry a woman to a man who proposes to her, if he is of sound religion and character and of equal status. The Prophet (SAW) said:
 
"When someone with whose religious and character you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." (Related by Al-Tirmidhi)
Before engaging in the search for a bride, the man should avoid certain things:
* It is unlawful for a Muslim to marry a woman who is a Mahram to him. Also, he should not propose to a woman who is actually married; a woman who is in her Iddah (the waiting period of the divorced or widowed woman); a woman whom another Muslim man has already asked in marriage - unless she has already refused the first or if he permits him; a disbeliever, with the exception of chaste (virgin) Jewish or Christian women; a prostitute (unless she has repented from it sincerely). It is also unlawful for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man.

* It is preferred, though not obligatory, to avoid choosing a wife among close relatives. Allah (SWT) said:
 
"We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another." (Al-Hujurat 49:13)

* It is also preferable that he avoids choosing among the barren women, because the Prophet (SAW) said:
 
"Marry the fertile, affectionate women, for I want you to outnumber other nations (on the Day of Resurrection)." (Related by Abu Dawud)
There are steps the woman’s wali should follow before agreeing to the man’s request:
* The wali should make sure the man who is asking to marry the woman is of sound religion, and is capable of supporting her.

The wali should seek the woman's consent before accepting the offer of the proposing man. The Prophet (SAW) said:
 
"A woman who has been previously married has more right concerning her person than her guardian, and a virgin’s consent must be asked about herself, her consent being her silence."
(Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
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Hijab! Must be black?


Some people have misconception and confusion about Muslim women clothing .Most people think that Muslim women can only wear black .Even among Muslims there is misunderstanding about this ..For example ,I completely disagree with the rule in Saudi Arabia that Muslim women MUST wear black abaya ..
To clear this misconception I would like to post the following evidences that IT IS NOT A MUST TO WEAR BLACK ,BUT  MANY WOMEN CHOSE TO WEAR BLACK  not because it is obligatory, but because it is farthest removed from being an adornment. There are reports which indicate that the women of the Sahaabah used to wear black. 
And a reminder for myself first and all of us ,is that what we wear should not be an adornment itself .We have to be careful with wearing decorated Hijabs and clothes ,which is most common nowdays among us ..
Let's remember that the glitter of this life is only temporary ,and this life is the one way ticket with only one final destination Heaven or Hell...
 

A woman may wear whatever she wants, so long as she does not wear a colour that is only for men , and she does not wear a garment that is an adornment in itself, i.e., decorated and adorned in such a way that it attracts the gaze of men, because of the general meaning of the verse (interpretation of the meaning):

“…and not to show off their adornment…” [al-Noor 24:31]

This general meaning includes the outer garment, if it is decorated. Abu Dawood (565) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not prevent the female slaves of Allaah from attending the mosques of Allaah, but let them go out unadorned.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 515.
The dress of the Muslim woman need not only be black. It is permissible for her to wear any colour of clothing so long as it covers her ‘awrah, does not resemble men’s clothing, and is not so tight as to show the shape of her limbs or so thin as to show what is beneath it, and does not provoke temptation.

And it says (17/109):

Wearing black for women is not a must.
They may wear other colours that are worn only by women, do not attract attention and do not provoke desire. 

Many women choose to wear black, not because it is obligatory, but because it is farthest removed from being an adornment. There are reports which indicate that the women of the Sahaabah used to wear black. Abu Dawood (4101) narrated that Umm Salamah said: “When the words ‘and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)’ [al-Noor 24:31 – interpretation of the meaning] were revealed, the women of the Ansaar went out looking as if there were crows on their heads because of their garments.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

The Standing Committee (17/110) said: This is to be understood as meaning that those clothes were black in colour.

It is natural for us women to like to adorn ourselves ,but we have to be moderate ,we have to control ourselves .We are following Fashion and Hijabi styles and etc.. but we forget sometimes the purpose of Hijab ..It is our duty not to create Fitna ,not to look tempting ,but what do we do ? We adorn ourselves as much as we can when we going out ..We are following our desires and forget the Commands of Allah ...
Let's remember our purpose on this earth and let's remember the purpose of Hijab ...

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Bismillah

Two reasons for the Bismillah

There are 2 main reasons why we can choose to start something in the Name of God, the Benificent, the Mericful.

Because Allah started the Quran with the basmala Every important matter that does not begin with the basmala will fall short of blessing; it will be naqis (deficient)

In the name of Allah, either we seek the blessing or we start with the name of the Allah for assistance; seeking his Help The “ba” ( ب) in (باسم) is seeking the blessing or assistance of God.

So we should start with the basmala to seek blessing and assistance In Ibn kathir’s tafsir (interpretation of the Quran) it is mentioned that the basmala has 19 letters. Ibn Kathir said the hellfire has 19 angels called zabaniya. Each one of those letters is a protection from each of them to protect us from the hellfire

SubhanAllah!

Utter bismillah with your tongue when you start something to make your deeds complete inshaAllah!
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Beyond the face value


"Judge me by what is IN my head, not what is ON my head"
Woman and Hijab

What does a young woman demonstrate about herself when she dons a headscarf, but ties it so that bits of hair hang out or her neck or chest are not fully covered, and then matches it with make-up, form-fitting tops, skin-tight jeans, bare forearms, bare feet, heavy perfume, nail polish, high-heels and a $200 handbag?

What does a young man demonstrate about himself when he openly eyes women and talks to his buddies about their bodies, shows off in front of the opposite sex, and looks for chances to engage in physical contact with women freely?

Hijab is a state of mind enjoined upon both men and women in Islam. At the heart of its purpose, Hijab is about maintaining or elevating the dignity of every individual regardless of gender and preserving the ability of individuals to feel the natural sense of modesty, the loss of which is a serious spiritual sickness.


There are two overarching principles to Hijab for men and women according to the Qur'an:

1. Lowering your gaze This means you should avoid looking at, listening to, or otherwise observing anything that damages your natural sense of modesty and shame, as well as anything that causes you to feel temptation to sin or causes attraction toward someone with whom you could not lawfully act on it.

2. Guarding your modesty This means you should avoid revealing anything about yourself, whether through how you dress, how you speak, what you say or write, or other means, that would cause damage to your natural sense of modesty and shame, or tempt you to sin, or cause you to be attracted to or to attract someone with whom you could not lawfully act on that attraction.

The requirements of Islamic modest dress are based upon these two principles. Dress should be such that it guards your modesty and aids you in lowering your gaze and does not make it unnecessarily difficult for someone else to lower their gaze and guard their own modesty.

The basic requirements for female dress in public are four:

1. Extent Everything but your hands and face must be covered. Feet should be covered, as should hair, neck, ears, and arms. Make-up and adornment should be covered, even if that means covering parts that would not otherwise have to be covered. Most scholars say that wedding rings and religious rings need not be covered, but in general, jewelry is adornment and should be concealed.

2. Looseness The garments should be loose enough so that the shape of your body from at least the shoulders to the mid-thighs is not apparent. Even for the legs, clothes should not be skin-tight. If the fabric follows your curves, it is too tight.

3. Thickness The clothing should be thick enough that the color of your skin and hair underneath cannot be discerned through the fabric.

4. Style The clothes should not be of a color, style, or decoration so as to serve the purpose of drawing attention, being adornment, or showing off. Thus, clothes with bright colors, fancy decorations, and expensive fabrics should be avoided. Further, clothes that would be considered as belonging to the opposite gender or to followers of another religion are also excluded. Also, it is improper to be a slave to fashion, spending wastefully for the latest trend, judging and being judged based on style, etc. Simplicity is better for your soul, mind and body.

Men's clothing requirements are exactly the same as women’s, except for the extent that needs to be covered. Jurists' rulings differ slightly in this matter, but as a general guideline, men should cover from navel to knees at a minimum, although a greater extent is preferable in the presence of women, since a greater area than this can be attractive to the opposite sex.

All four requirements hold in the presence of non-mahrams (unrelated members of the opposite sex). It should be noted that, in addition to people of the opposite sex who are not related to you, some relatives are no-mahram as well, and thus Hijab should be observed in front of them. For example, you need to observe Hijab in front of cousins of the opposite gender. If you are a woman, you should observe Hijab in front of brothers-in-law and uncles related by marriage rather than blood. And if you are a man, you should observe Hijab in front of sisters-in-law and aunts related by marriage rather than blood.

When in the presence of mahram individuals only, the requirements for Islamic modest dress are different. Except between spouses, who are permitted to see all of each other's bodies, the extent of covering required between mahram individuals is such that all private areas are covered. Looseness and thickness of clothing should also ensure coverage of the private areas. Adornment such as make-up and jewelry are generally permitted, but if the purpose is to attract, it should be reserved to be shared between married couples only. As for style, the requirements about showing off and about wearing clothes of the opposite gender or of another religion hold at all times.

Hijab requirements do not block women and men from doing business or from attending meetings in the same room as long as they are observing Hijab. However, the lowering of the gaze means when in the presence of non-mahrams, one should avoid looking at them in such a way as to be attracted to their bodies, or listening to them in such a way as to be attracted to their voices, etc. And in turn, the guarding of modesty means that one should behave so as not to be trying to attract the opposite sex, or showing off, or discoursing with them in a familiar way or about private topics.

Even the enemies of Islam have recognized that Hijab of men and women gives dignity to humanity and thus empowers those who observe it. This is one of the main reasons that they systematically attack it and try to convince Muslim men and women to abandon true Hijab. Observing Hijab begins and ends with its two over-riding principles – lowering your gaze and guarding your modesty. These two acts are greatly beneficial to you in both this world and the Hereafter – they protect you from hardship, sin, and confusion and they elevate you spiritually –  and this is why many people who observe Hijab describe it as being very freeing and something they truly love. Examine your interactions and your wardrobe with these two principles in mind, change anything that is out of line, and you will soon be enjoying the benefits in your own life.
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